The Van

My daughter, her husband and their four small children just moved back from South America. They are currently staying at a local motel and have borrowed his father’s old van for transportation. I offered them my Rav4 but someone would have to sit on the roof rack. They had their Dodge pickup shipped to Columbia when they moved there four years ago but they sold it when they left. Something about not enough room or no home entertainment system I suppose. They have spent the last couple of days test driving vans. They finally settled on a Toyota. I guess it looked nice, drove well, had a sound proof barrier between the driver and the passenger, and thirteen cup-holders. With that many kids and that many cup-holders it should also include full-body child restraint systems and a port-a-potty.


My experience with the car industry over the years has been interesting. When I taught school, and had summers off, I would do dealer trades for a couple of local car dealers. I made a lot of trips to the Seattle car auctions to pick up used cars one summer, but that little money making venture ended when eight of us went to the auction and found out we only had four dealer plates with us. We drove the four cars without tags anyway. As luck would have it, all four cars were pulled over near Tacoma by the highway patrol. We all went to court along with the car dealer, who in the meantime had received a nice visit at his place of business from the cops. For some reason the regular traffic court was overbooked and we all ended up in the criminal court. We appeared last on the docket after all the criminal arraignments had been done.

Criminal arraignments allow the recently arrested and not so recently stupid to stand before the judge and hear the charges and plead guilty or not guilty. It they plead not guilty, they most often ask for a public defender because not only are they stupid but they are too poor to hire an attorney on their own. One young man had been arrested at the B&I store. He was accused of mooning the gorilla. There was actually a live, full grown gorilla in the back corner of the store for many years and it appeared this kid had been drinking, dropped his trousers and pressed his bare but up against the glass enclosure. When the charges were read there was some laughter in the courtroom. Before this idiot could respond, I said to the guy seated next to me, “I think he should plead not guilty. The gorilla will never be able to identify him." I didn’t think I said it very loud, but the judge heard it and threatened me with a contempt of court citation. The car dealer paid a hefty fine. I quit transporting cars.

Thanks for listening, I feel much better.