It's A Dangerous World Out There

Yesterday, I received another promotional flyer from my credit union offering me insurance.  Never mind that I am 68 years old and am, according to my doctor, quickly sliding towards the reading of my will. No, this insurance is a little different. It’s called Accidental Death and Dismemberment Insurance. Because I belong to the credit union I already have $20K in such coverage as part of my account. The flyer was to get me to buy additional coverage.  I have discovered over the years that insurance salesmen always try and sell me a policy that really benefits the family. Their family, not mine, so I am always careful when I am around them. 

I am not trying to minimize accidents. I recently heard of a shake cutter out in Grays Harbors County that lost his left arm and left leg at a mill. It looks like he is now all right.  I also read recently that most fatal auto accidents occur within five miles of your own home.  I think I’ll move ten miles away just to make sure I am safe.

The brochure says that if I die of some accidental cause like getting hit by the garbage truck on my way to the mailbox, my beneficiary will receive the whole amount.  The whole amount is also payable if I lose both hands above the wrist. The loss of both feet above the ankle and both arms also qualify for full payment. If I accidentally lose one hand all I get is $10K. The fine print says I have to prove that I lost them accidentally and didn’t just leave them lying around at the bus station. Cutting of my fingers in the table saw doesn’t pay anything. Besides, the saw doesn’t care anyway.

If I lose both arms and legs and am so badly maimed I also lose both eyes, the most I can collect is the amount list on the policy. Oops…I just read the extra fine print. Since I am over 65 I can only collect half the amount listed on the declaration.  The most I can get for a lost hand is $5K.  Oh my! The extra extra fine print only printed in Mandarin, says that any loss must occur on the 30th day of any month that does not have an R in it. (May, June, July, August) It also says that the loss must occur within five miles of my home. Now I am definitely moving.

 It also says that if I only lose both legs I cannot collect or file suit against the insurance company (Mutual of Humptulips) or anyone else. I did some research and found case law that indicates such cases have always been thrown out on Summary Judgment.  Judges have unanimously agreed that the plaintiffs in such actions didn’t have a leg to stand on.

I think I would be money ahead if I set up an account with the credit union. I could make a $100 deposit every time I nicked myself on a saw blade, narrowly missed being killed on the freeway, or showed up without thinking at the gun range on Wacko Wednesday.   That’s the day the nut cases show up to practice with their cannons and assault rifles. My guess is that I would have the $20K in short order. It could then be converted to some interest bearing account to be used accidentally on toys and good food.

Thanks for listening, I feel much better.